Wow, its been a long long time since I wrote on here. I had to look up my username and password to even log in because I forgot! I forgot how much I enjoy writing. I guess after starting the live video on Facebook writing took a back seat. I won’t bore you with the details of my year. It was a good year. God was faithful. I stepped out of the boat and made some changes. I do want to tell you about what happened this morning. I have been having a struggle that has been ongoing. I thought I would deal with it and it would keep coming up. It was crippling me and holding me back and I was getting so frustrated. I felt like every time I prayed about it God was silent. Without getting into the details to much, I was holding onto a hurt and offense. I felt like I was wronged and misunderstood. I would ask forgiveness and I would release the hurt and pray blessing. I would be good for a week or two and then something would come up that would trigger this again, and I would be right back there as if it just happened that day. Talk about a drag. I was getting so annoyed. I was having my quiet time this morning and was sitting at my piano worshipping. The Lord gave me a picture of Abraham and Isaac and how God asked Abraham to sacrifice him. I saw myself standing beside the alter and God asking me to lay those things on the alter that were becoming bigger than Him. I thought of one. Then He asked me to place the things that were holding me back. There were two. Then He said write them on a paper and “Sacrifice” them. Burn them up. I was like ok but that’s kinda weird. I got paper and wrote down the three things. Then He said start with the hardest one. I knew right away it was the hurt/offense I was carrying. I got a metal bowl and a match and lit it on fire. Guys it burned the whole way around the word but not the word! I was like seriously? So I tried again and again and again!
7 matches and one burnt finger later it was finally all burned up. The second hardest one took only 2 matches and the last one burned with one in 2 seconds. As I was sitting here reflecting and writing in my journal I felt God speaking to me. “You would forgive and let go of 99% of your offense. But you were hanging on to that 1% for dear life. You had to dig deep and work hard to get that 1% out of there. Your finger got burnt burning that 1% but you couldn’t find healing until you first felt the pain of that 1%. It seemed small and insignificant but it was causing more damage than you knew. Like a tiny pebble in a shoe. Doesn’t seem like much but it affects the whole body. The sore finger is a reminder of the importance of dealing with something 100% and not hanging on to even 1% of any sin.” Do you know what 7 represents in the Bible? Perfection and rest and abundance. I believe that God wanted to show me a visual illustration of my inner struggle. He wanted me to know that He saw it and cared about it and was patiently trying to show me and teach me. Then He wanted to show me that when I did finally get it that He would bring rest and abundance into my life. He wanted me to see that when I am walking in step and riding in tandum with Him I can experience His perfection. He continues to work on me. He is continuing to perfect me. He loves me so much that He know I needed a visual. I was desperate for breakthrough this morning. I knew He could bring it. I just had to be obedient before Him. The more I learn of Him the more I am keenly aware of how much I yet have to learn. The more I fill myself with Him the less likely I am to screw things up. I NEED Him. I need Him like I need air. I want to walk with eyes wide open into the new year being fully aware of who I am in Him and why I need Him every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I want to be humble enough to see my faults, strong enough to deal with them, and brave enough to share them. Some of you may have some things that need to be left in 2017 and not drug into 2018. What is God asking you to lay down and burn on His alter today? Be obedient. I immediately felt a shift in my spirit and attitude when I was obedient. Sometimes we like to pretend we got it all under control, but the only person you are fooling is yourself and maybe others. God knows and sees it all anyway and He is so gentle in His correction. You should never feel shame or self hatred. Believe me I felt so much shame and self hatred the past month and I couldn’t shake it. I tried and tried, but because I agreed with the devil on that 1% I had given him authority in my life. And he doesn’t bring peace He brings chaos and despair. God loves you so much and wants to give you His good gifts. He’s a good daddy. Turn to Him. He will never turn you away.